Casing the Joint
by boasamishipper
Summary: A detective, an heiress, and a gangster board a ship—this sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. Written for Round 6 of the Probending Circuit.


a/n: this is my response to the prompt for the sixth round of the probending circuit. sit back and enjoy.

Key words: cinnamon (scent) and "There are so many…I don't know what to choose" (dialogue).

Episode: The Legend of Korra, Book 2, Episode 6 – "The Sting".

Word count: 1263.

Characters: Two Toed Ping, Mako, Asami.

Pairings: none.

* * *

"This is right around the area where the attacks happened." Even though the situation is tense, I can't help but notice that Mako sounds pretty much like one of those tour guides I'm always seeing 'round here. _'Here's Avatar Aang's statue! Here's City Hall! Here's the place where the attacks happened!'_ Also, no shit this's where the attacks happened. Does he think I grew up under a rock? "So keep your eyes peeled, and stay quiet."

"I agree. Keep quiet, mouth zipped, don't say a word. That's the best thing to do when you're trying to ambush somebody, which is what we're doing here, and it's basically what I'm always doing." I know I'm talking quickly but still, I want to get this done as fast as possible. I didn't like working with Mako back when he was a snot-nosed little kid and I don't like working with him now—faster I talk, faster the job gets done, faster I get to go home. Mako's dame rolls her eyes at me. I'm offended because even talking fast I've got more personality than the guy she chooses to spend her time with. Sure, I'm a bit older than her, but I've got good looks, I'm smart and I smell like cinnamon 'cause of the shampoo I use, what more could she want? "I mean, I am a gangster, after all, and—"

"Two Toed Ping, please." Spirits, Mako sounds like a tired kindergarten teacher after a long day of corralling snooty brats. Maybe he just doesn't like being on ships—the black-blue waves are sloshing up against the sides of the ship; it'd make any lesser guy seasick.

"Oh, right." I know I've gotta be quiet, it's just fun messing with him. But if we're gonna be talking, I think we should be talking 'bout something interesting. Here's something I've always wondered: "So what's it like dating the Avatar?" The question, while broad, can also lead to questions like 'D'you think you could give me every detail of what she's like in bed?' and all that.

Mako sighs, looking irritated with the world, and glances away like he can avoid my questions just by not making eye contact with me. Buddy boy, I'm a gangster, I don't give up that easy. "C'mon, Mako, I gotta know!" Hotsy-totsy guy keeping me in suspense. What a prick—y'know, maybe I should start spilling secrets about Mako as a kid to his dame. That might get me the answers I want.

"Ping," Mako begs, "stay focused!"

"What?" I ask, smirking and leaning forward against the rail of the ship. "Why are you so weird about it? If I was dating the Avatar, I'd tell you all about it." Spirits knows Shin goes on about his romantic exploits all the time; come to think of it, I think he actually has a date tonight. Either or, what's the worst that could happen if Mako tells me? Who am I gonna tell?

Mako seems to realize this, but he's still staring out at the sea like it's got the answers to the universe. "There's nothing to know." Then his eyebrows scrunch up—seriously, it's like a damn caterpillar mating ritual or some shit like that—and he looks away. "I broke up with her."

His dame Asami, who'd been leaning against the ship's wall, jumps forward. I swear, four thousand volts of Equalist electricity couldn't have gotten her back into the conversation faster. All Mako's gotta do is mention he's single and the ladies swoon—I'm with his brother, what's so attractive 'bout that? "You broke up? When? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

 _Oh, sure_ , I think. _You'll tell_ her _about your fun time with Korra but not me._ Then his last few words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I start guffawing because this is just priceless. "Yeah, right! _You_ broke up with the Avatar. Like that happened." I'm flapping my arms around to make my point—surely someone else has to see how funny this is? Everyone and their uncle knows that the Avatar wears the pants in their relationship. I lean over and cup my hands over my mouth, yelling, "Hey, Shady Shin, Viper! Mako says he broke up with the Avatar!"

"Sure he did," Viper calls, followed by Shady Shin's laugh and statement of, "Yeah, I did too!"

Mako looks seconds away from having steam pour out of his ears. "All right, would you guys knock it off and do your job?"

* * *

"And that," I say, wiggling my toes in Asami and Mako's faces, "is why they call me Two Toed Ping."

"Because you have two…extra toes," Asami says slowly. Smart cookie. She looks a bit ill though, not that I can blame her. Unlike the rest of me, my feet don't smell too fantastic.

"That's right," I praise. Well, it'd been a bit more than that. I'd said to Lightning Bolt Zolt himself regarding nicknames, "There are so many, I don't know what to choose," to which he'd responded, "I don't give a shit, just choose something that fits you and doesn't make you sound like a sissy." Great man. "And there was already a Twelve Toed Ping on the South side."

While Asami's fists clench at her sides, Mako flinches like someone stuck him with a white-hot poker. "Wait, guys. Do you hear that?"

Asami's brows furrow, and I sit up a little. "I don't hear anything," she says.

"Nope," I reply, popping the 'p' like a needle would pop a soap bubble or some shit like that. I've always been shit at metaphors.

"Agh!" Mako switches subjects because the kid is always worrying, worrying, worrying. I remember him when he was a kid. 'Where's Bolin? Why am I in jail? Why'd you talk me into going into this rumble? When do I get food?' He's strung up so tight it's actually dangerous—pardon my language, but I swear to all of the Spirits that if I stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks I'd have a diamond. "What's taking so long?"

I lean against the wall, my arms behind my head, hoping he'll follow my lead. "You just gotta relax like me. Maybe try taking your shoes off."

Mako rolls his eyes and stalks forward like a man on a mission. "I'm gonna check it out."

Now, I ain't stupid. I know what's happening. After the dame and Mako left earlier, some mook showed up and said his boss would pay us to keep the kid and her distracted—yuans change hands and sides quickly around here. So while we keep them busy, the dame's warehouses are going to go ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom, and we'll act like we're none the wiser. (My metaphors are shit, really. I need to get some help for this.)

But one thing's for sure, and I know it like I know how many toes I've got.

Shin's definitely going to end up missing his date.


End file.
